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Le Journal
du Chihuahua
numéro 7, 12 juin 2005

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Sommaire

Editorial: le Mouton en chute libre
Analyse: Le Duc et le duc
Sucesos: el marqués de Oliveras pesca un pulpo en el Guadalquivir
La chronique de Mister Oli: A Group of French Tourists Visits the Museum of Anthropology
The Chihuahua's Word: Ethnically Biased Hiking Around Vancouver
Imitations: The History of the Poisonned Slug (After a Reader from Ottawa)

Editorial Le Mouton en chute libre
La chronique du blaireau est en vacances et a été remplacée par un fait divers qui a le double intérêt d'informer les lecteurs des activités du marquis et de rendre le journal trilingue. L'analyse a été maintenue à la demande de nombreux lecteurs. Elle met en lumière le faible niveau du Journal du Mouton dont le nombre de rubriques a diminué dans le dernier numéro alors que le Journal du Chihuahua s'est diversifié dans le même temps.	Par ailleurs, le Journal du Mouton qui paraissait traditionnellement avant le Journal du Chihuahua semble désormais systématiquement en retard. L'imitation de la semaine reprend le style en pointillés d'une lectrice d'Ottawa qui nous écrit régulièrement pour nous demander des nouvelles supplémentaires mais qui ne nous dit jamais rien que nous ne sachions déjà.

Analyse Le Duc et le duc
Faut-il, par un respect obséquieux pour le titre de noblesse, y mettre une majuscule? Faut-il écrire le Duc de Choiseul, le Marquis de Sade, le Comte de Mirabeau, et le Baron de La Freyderie? La question est aisément résolue en examinant la littérature française: le titre de noblesse ne prend une majuscule que dans une seule publication: le Journal du Mouton. Partout ailleurs on lit le duc de Broglie, la marquise de Pompadour, le comte de Toulouse et la baronne Dudevant. Faut-il y voir une faute ou un signe destiné à envoyer un message aux lecteurs? Notre concurrent a la réputation de ne jamais vérifier ses informations et d'inventer beaucoup pour remplir ses colonnes, mais de là à imaginer qu'il ne maîtrise pas l'orthographe, il y a un pas que l'on ne saurait franchir.	L'explication pourrait venir de Casanova qui avait un valet espagnol qu'il appelait Le Duc. Le Baron de La Freyderie n'aurait donc rien d'un aristocrate. Ce serait en fait un éclusier du canal du Midi nommé Le Baron ou Lebaron qui habiterait près du lieu dit de La Freyderie et qui se ferait passer pour le baron de la Freyderie pour se moquer de la rédaction du Journal du Mouton qui le prend pour un personnage de haute naissance. Contacté par téléphone, le marquis d'Oliveras nous confirme depuis sa résidence de Lavaplatas que le vrai baron de la Freyderie est actuellement "au Québec" où il participe à "l'ouverture de la chasse au moose".

Sucesos El marqués de Oliveras pesca un pulpo en el Guadalquivir
Residando desde la fin de la primavera en su finca de Lavaplatas a orillas del Guadalquivir entre Córdoba y Sevilla, el marqués estaba buscando madera podrida flotando en el río para sus esculturas cuando vio un trozo de madera un poco raro. El marqués quería exponer esculturas de madera podrida por el otoño al Museo de la Marmola. Esas esculturas debían ser esculpidas por el método de Princeton que utiliza madera podrida, contrariamente a el de Harvard que utiliza madera nueva que se pone a pudrir después de esculpir. Había salido su barca, el Santiago Matamoros, que el papa Juan Pablo, que se preocupaba mucho por el acercamiento entre los religiones y que siempre apelaba a la paz con los musulmanes, había rebautizado el Santiago Mojaculos después una travesía agitada a bordo de la concha.	El marqués había comenzado a pescar trozos de madera con un salabre cuando vio un trozo de madera blanco. Se aprochó y vio que el trozo no era de madera pero que era un trozo de carne con ojos. El marqués le pescó y se dio cuenta que era un pulpo blanco muy vivo con ojos rojos. El pulpo pescado por el marqués de Oliveras en el Guadalquivir. Como nunca nadie había pescado pulpos en el Guadalquivir río arriba de Sevilla, el marqués hizo donación del animal al Museo de la Marmola donde se puede ver escondiendose en su peñasco.

Mister Oli's Chronicle A Group of French Tourists Visits the Museum of Anthropology
Mister Oli, the technician who knows, was investigating last week at the Museum of Anthropology in the University Endownment Lands near Vancouver. I was looking for the secret of Energy Zero that I was hoping to find in a few totem poles when my research was interrupted by a group of French tourists who were speaking out loud and disturbed my quest. In order not to be recognized by anyone, I had chosen Canadian clothes: a cheap T-shirt and tacky shorts that I had found on sale at the Value Village for 99 cents. I managed to approach the group close enough to hear them clearly and I listened to them as I was pretending flip through the binders placed against the wall next to the bear carved by Bill Reid (left).	The tourists were discussing several issues about American culture, namely the fact that some people are not curious of knowing what is happenning outside their county. Through a simple analysis comparing rednecks and educated French people, they were concluding that France was educated and America retarded. They were obviously forgetting that by comparing sardines in oil and tuna in brine you cannot conclude that sardine is fatter than tuna. "Bon, moi chuis pas un mec hyper fermé, j'ai des amis africains..." was saying one of them, as if the fact of having African friends was a sign of openmindedness. "Ce musée, ça m'fait rigoler, ces gens là, on leur a tout volé...(2)". That one was obviously pointing at the alleged hypocrisy of Canadian Society who founded a museum to store all stolen pieces of artwork and pretending to praise First Nation	cultures after having destroyed everything. That guy would certainly have liked Canada better if the destruction had been completed and the leftovers abandonned in Nature, letting time finish the job of the first English settlers. (1) I am not a very narrow-minded guy, I have African friends... (2) This museum makes me laugh, they stole everything from those people...

The Chihuahua's Word Ethnically Biased Hiking Around Vancouver
The Chihuahua observed the ethnic origin of hikers around Vancouver on a few well known paths of various difficulty ranging from "easy" to "very steep", from "popular" to "high mountain". In the "easy" category, the chihuahua selected the paths leading to Lynn Canyon sites such as the suspension bridge or the emerald pool and the paved paths around the Grouse Mountain Chalet, such as those leading to the bears. Although the paths leading to emerald pool are very steep, they are categorized "easy" because of the stairs covering steep portions. The "very steep category" includes the Grouse Grind, the BCMC its competitor, like the Journal du Chihuahua is the competitor of the Journal du Mouton and the paths around Crown Pass. The "popular" category is defined by the fame of the path. This category includes the Grouse Grind because although this path is steep, there is very little risk of being reported missing at the end of the	day because it goes from a highly touristic area to another highly touristic area and it is difficult to climb it without meeting 100 people. On the other hand "high mountain" paths require a certain knowledge of the mountain and of hiking and the knowledge of risks such as weather change, being caught by night because of the distance, underestimating one's forces, not carrying proper equipement, avalanche, and falling down a cliff without receiving any help for hours. All paths beyond Grouse Mountain and all paths in Lynn Valley beyond Norvan Falls can be considered "high mountain". The BCMC, being located next to the Grouse Grind, going from the same point to the same point cannot be considered as high mountain but is not very popular. The reason being that the fame of the Grouse Grind tends to attrack people like a carrion attracts flies. The Chihuahua observed that Asian ethnies are	almost not present on high mountain paths whereas they are well represented on popular paths whether they are easy or steep. Therefore it cannot be assumed that those people are weak. They are found on the Grouse Grind as well as on easy paths around the bears at Grouse Mountain or around Lynn Canyon. The Chihuahua first supposed they did not like long hikes which could explain their absence from high mountain paths that sometimes require a long approach (Coliseum and Mount Burwell) or a long effort (Goat and Crown Mountain). However the Grouse Grind and the BCMC are the same length and there are no Asians on the BCMC wheras the proportion is normal on the Grouse Grind. Therefore it seems that Asians are only interested in popular paths. Anyone who does not copy them will have done the same observation. The Chihuahua is unable to explain this phenomenon but this research is going on.

Imitations The History of the Poisonned Slug (After a Reader from Ottawa)
How are you?... I hope you are well... Here it is still cold... Yesterday I saw a slug eating a poisonned grain... It started sweating right away... Pretty gross... Then it died... How is the marquis de Oliveras?... How is the octopus?... Is it cute?...	Nothing much to say... I love the Journal du Chihuahua!... It is absolutely fabulous!... Nobody loves it more than me!... In June I am going to the Museo de la Marmola... I am going to see the octopus!... Yay me!... I must be off...